Something must be wrong with me. I was up until about 1:30, frantically poking around the Internet to see who “won.” The CNN online poll had Kerry winning 80-20, which can only mean one thing: Kerry voters have itchy mouse fingers.

Why do I get so riled up about these things? My son responded much more reasonably — at about 10:00 the allure of getting to stay up late was outweighed by the sheer boredom of the activity, and he went to bed.

But I couldn’t sleep, I had to know what people were thinking. Here’s what people were thinking: people like me were thinking “what are people thinking?” and everyone else was in bed. At 6:00 this morning when my alarm went off, I was thinking “what was I thinking?”

Yet though I’m groggy this morning, I’m also quite gleeful. Kerry did what he needed to. He looked presidential. If he keeps it up and if Edwards can accomplish the same thing next week against Cheney, these guys will actually have a chance in November. It’s kind of like watching your team win the home opener. You’re optimistic, but you realize it’s still a long season.

Kerry could have lost the election last night, and he didn’t do that. Perhaps, as both candidates suggested, God really did bless America last night.

What is this guy thinking? Is this not the silliest bit of logic you’ve heard in a while?

We might be headed for another close election, which means your vote could really matter this time, right? Wrong. Your vote didn’t matter in 2000, it never mattered before 2000, and it’s very unlikely to start mattering now.

…

The traditional reply begins with the phrase “But if everyone thought like that … .” To which the correct rejoinder is: So what? Everyone doesn’t think like that. They continue to vote by the millions and tens of millions.

That’s right, don’t bother voting, people. It doesn’t make a damned bit of difference. Don’t donate to charity, either. You really think your $50 is going to make a significant impact? Since it only “matters” if millions of others do the same thing, you might as well just check out. Those other silly sheep will do the job for you.