I’ve spent a whole lot of time in various medical professionals’ waiting rooms over the past couple of days. Yesterday I went to the dentist and eye doctor, and today I’m here at the allergist waiting for Jim to get his bee-venom shots. When it comes to waiting rooms, it turns out, eye doctors wipe the floor with everyone else’s ass. Not only does the eye doctor have the least shabby interior decor, it also arguably offers the best selection of reading material and visual entertainment (in the form of an infomercial for Lasik surgery on a 40-inch plasma TV mounted on the wall).

Here at the allergist nearly all the magazines are of the complimentary local shoppers’ guide variety. We’ve got Charlotte Woman, the area Seniors guide, and a holistic medicine brochure. The other magazines aren’t much better: Better Homes and Gardens, and a copy of Medizine’s Healthy Living featuring Christina Applegate.

No matter where you go, however, the Muzak is pretty much always running Classic Hits of the ’70s. It seems to me that Classic Hits of the ’70s have been on Muzak since about 1986. Will we ever move on to the Classic Hits of the ’80s or ’90s? Or will doctors’ offices in 2048 still be playing the Classic Hits of the ’70s?

Not that I have anything against the ’70s, but it would be kinda cool to stroll into the doctor’s office one day and hear the pulsating rhythm of Prince’s “Darling Nikki,” or maybe Soft Cell’s “Sex Dwarf,” or Janet Jackson’s “Nasty.” I’m just sayin’.

When you get your allergy shots, you’re supposed to sit and wait thirty minutes to make sure you don’t have an adverse reaction to the medication, but practically no one actually waits around. Am I just being a wuss for making Jim sit around? It’s not actually that big a deal since you can work on blog posts or text your friends or whatever, but there’s this sinking feeling that you’re not one of the cool kids when you sit down and wait instead of heading straight for the exit after your shot.

Maybe if they were playing better music I’d be more inclined to hang around. At least they could have a decent plasma screen.

Fortunately, our 30 minutes are up. ‘Til next time…