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Mayor Shocked by Christian Artwork in Metropolitan Museum New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani was outraged today when he learned that an altarpiece depicting the Madonna and Child was prominently displayed at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. "When will these museums stop trying to do our thinking for us?" the mayor griped, "there are thousands of atheists and polytheists in this town who find this sort of Christian iconography patently offensive. It’s about time these museums learned who pays the bills!" Museum officials were quick to point out that the work, a donation of J. P. Morgan, was painted by the Italian master Raphael. "Well maybe those Europeans think this filth makes some sort of ‘statement,’" Giuliani retorted, "but here in New York we have standards. This work clearly depicts a woman with an aura or halo around her head, suggesting some sort of divine influence — utterly despicable to any self-respecting atheist. Moreover, even though the scene allegedly occurred over 2,000 years ago, the people in the painting are wearing clothing that was fashionable during the Italian renaissance, 1,500 years later! The ‘artist’ is obviously making a pathetic attempt to appropriate the ideology of his time onto a different era, thus validating his own shameful beliefs." Officials responded that the work had never been particularly controversial, even in its own time. "The altarpiece has been on continuous display in our museum for over 85 years, and no one has ever complained about its content," countered museum Director Philippe de Montebello. "‘No one has complained’?" shouted Giuliani. "Is that how you enforce community standards — you just wait for someone to complain? Hasn’t it occurred to you that your crowd of overwhelmingly white, overwhelmingly Christian visitors isn’t exactly an unbiased group? How many communists have you asked about his work? How many Jews, Hindus, or Buddhists? But their tax dollars still provide a big chunk of this museum’s budget!" De Montebello replied that the museum did not emphasize the contributions of any one group, and that the museum’s holdings included works from all over the world, including China, India, and Africa. "Oh," Giuliani was heard to say, "wouldn’t that offend your Christian visitors?" "No," de Montebello replied, "most of our complaints come from right-wing zealot politicians who don’t understand the meaning of the concept ‘freedom of expression.’" "Those bastards!" exclaimed Giuliani. "Just let me know when you hear from one of ’em. I’ll rip ’em to shreds. I’ll chew ’em up and eat ’em for dinner!" "That’s all right, Mr. Giuliani — we’re doing just fine without your help. But you might want to give the Brooklyn Museum a call — they’ve been getting a lot of bad press lately." Editor's Note: Giuliani did call the Brooklyn Museum — but the call didn't go as well as de Montebello might have hoped.... By David Munger Copyright 2001 |