Shocked by Christian Artwork in Metropolitan Museum
New York Mayor
Rudy Giuliani was outraged today when he learned that an altarpiece
depicting the Madonna and Child was prominently displayed at the
Metropolitan Museum of Art. "When will these museums stop trying
to do our thinking for us?" the mayor griped, "there are
thousands of atheists and polytheists in this town who find this
sort of Christian iconography patently offensive. Its about
time these museums learned who pays the bills!"
were quick to point out that the work, a donation of J. P. Morgan,
was painted by the Italian master Raphael. "Well maybe those
Europeans think this filth makes some sort of statement,"
Giuliani retorted, "but here in New York we have standards.
This work clearly depicts a woman with an aura or halo around her
head, suggesting some sort of divine influence utterly despicable
to any self-respecting atheist. Moreover, even though the scene
allegedly occurred over 2,000 years ago, the people in the painting
are wearing clothing that was fashionable during the Italian renaissance,
1,500 years later! The artist is obviously making a
pathetic attempt to appropriate the ideology of his time onto a
different era, thus validating his own shameful beliefs."
that the work had never been particularly controversial, even in
its own time. "The altarpiece has been on continuous display
in our museum for over 85 years, and no one has ever complained
about its content," countered museum Director Philippe de Montebello.
one has complained?" shouted Giuliani. "Is that
how you enforce community standards you just wait for someone
to complain? Hasnt it occurred to you that your crowd of overwhelmingly
white, overwhelmingly Christian visitors isnt exactly an unbiased
group? How many communists have you asked about his work? How many
Jews, Hindus, or Buddhists? But their tax dollars still provide
a big chunk of this museums budget!"
replied that the museum did not emphasize the contributions of any
one group, and that the museums holdings included works from
all over the world, including China, India, and Africa.
Giuliani was heard to say, "wouldnt that offend your
de Montebello replied, "most of our complaints come from right-wing
zealot politicians who dont understand the meaning of the
concept freedom of expression."
bastards!" exclaimed Giuliani. "Just let me know when
you hear from one of em. Ill rip em to shreds.
Ill chew em up and eat em for dinner!"
all right, Mr. Giuliani were doing just fine without
your help. But you might want to give the Brooklyn Museum a call
theyve been getting a lot of bad press lately."
Note: Giuliani did call the Brooklyn Museum but
the call didn't
go as well as de Montebello might have hoped....
By David Munger