resumes, World Peace ends
distributor Tony Amato, 29, ended World Peace today at 3:24 p.m.
when he shot Indianapolis restaurateur Mildred Jones in the leg
after she suggested that he was employed in the professional escort
industry and therefore not welcome in her establishment. Shortly
thereafter, conflicts resumed in the usual global hot spots of
Eastern Europe, the Middle East, and American inner cities. Amato’s
actions signaled the end of a short-lived World Peace, which had
begun only 3 minutes earlier at 3:21 local time (9:21 Greenwich
he was released on $5,000 bail, Amato spoke with reporters about
the events leading up to the resumption of global hostilities.
Reporters were quick to ask Amato if he felt any regrets about
his crime, realizing as he now did that he had brought about the
end of World Peace. “I didn’t even know World Peace
had started,” was Amato’s reply. “Yeah, I might
not of shot her if I’d known I’d start a war or something.
On the other hand, you don’t call Tony Amato a pimp and
expect to walk away from it on both your legs.”
cynical observers have suggested that the three-minute-long “peace”
was merely a coincidence: human nature being what it is, people
will never be able to escape the cycle of conflict that has plagued
them for nearly their entire history. Other pundits responded
that this historic period of peace, however brief, demonstrated
that humans are fundamentally good, and that all weapons should
be destroyed so we can all live together in harmony.
its impact, March 29, 2001 is a day that Tony Amato won’t
soon forget. “This is something I’ll want to share
with my grandkids, for sure,” Amato mused as he posed for
commemorative photos with his erstwhile victim Jones. “Who
knew that this would be my fifteen minutes of fame?”
sure didn’t!” laughed Jones as she shared a hug with
Amato. “You’re welcome in my restaurant anytime.”
Meanwhile battles raged on in Macedonia, Chiapas, and Israel.
sight of Amato and Jones making up suggested that perhaps the
optimists were right after all. Here’s hoping we won’t
have to wait another 25,000 years for the next moment of World
World Peace achieved