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Conflict resumes, World Peace ends Chemical distributor Tony Amato, 29, ended World Peace today at 3:24 p.m. when he shot Indianapolis restaurateur Mildred Jones in the leg after she suggested that he was employed in the professional escort industry and therefore not welcome in her establishment. Shortly thereafter, conflicts resumed in the usual global hot spots of Eastern Europe, the Middle East, and American inner cities. Amato’s actions signaled the end of a short-lived World Peace, which had begun only 3 minutes earlier at 3:21 local time (9:21 Greenwich Mean Time). After he was released on $5,000 bail, Amato spoke with reporters about the events leading up to the resumption of global hostilities. Reporters were quick to ask Amato if he felt any regrets about his crime, realizing as he now did that he had brought about the end of World Peace. “I didn’t even know World Peace had started,” was Amato’s reply. “Yeah, I might not of shot her if I’d known I’d start a war or something. On the other hand, you don’t call Tony Amato a pimp and expect to walk away from it on both your legs.” Some cynical observers have suggested that the three-minute-long “peace” was merely a coincidence: human nature being what it is, people will never be able to escape the cycle of conflict that has plagued them for nearly their entire history. Other pundits responded that this historic period of peace, however brief, demonstrated that humans are fundamentally good, and that all weapons should be destroyed so we can all live together in harmony. Whatever its impact, March 29, 2001 is a day that Tony Amato won’t soon forget. “This is something I’ll want to share with my grandkids, for sure,” Amato mused as he posed for commemorative photos with his erstwhile victim Jones. “Who knew that this would be my fifteen minutes of fame?” “I sure didn’t!” laughed Jones as she shared a hug with Amato. “You’re welcome in my restaurant anytime.” Meanwhile battles raged on in Macedonia, Chiapas, and Israel. The sight of Amato and Jones making up suggested that perhaps the optimists were right after all. Here’s hoping we won’t have to wait another 25,000 years for the next moment of World Peace! Related
Story: By David Munger Copyright 2001 |