9:00 p.m. There’s no place like New York, NY. I’m sitting here in the smallest hotel room I’ve ever occupied. It features a twin bed, with about 1 foot of extra space on each side. There is a tiny armoir between the bathroom and the closet, just large enough to hold a 13-inch TV and the tiniest mini-bar I’ve ever seen.
But it’s all perfectly functional, the a/c works well, and and the bed is comfortable. It’s perfect New York.
I have seen smaller bathrooms than this one. It actually has a separate shower, instead of just a drain in the middle of the bathroom floor.
I’m about a half-block away from Times Square, where CNN was handing out free tickets to watch Obama’s acceptance speech on the big screen outside. I was half tempted to take one, but I decided it would be more fun to watch CNN’s coverage here in my room with a nice glass of Cotes du Rhone.
So far the coverage on CNN hasn’t been thrilling, so now I’m watching football. But NC State’s quarterback looks like he was very seriously injured, so the game is delayed. So now I’m back watching pundits.
9:07 p.m. Now Michael McDonald is singing “America the Beautiful.” It’s like the Fourth of July. It’s a picnic, and it’s a campaign rally. And apparently, according to Anderson Cooper, Wolf Blitzer also plays a mean keyboard.
9:10 p.m. Apparently we were going to go to New York, but instead we’ve got Susan Eisenhower, Ike’s granddaughter. She cuts quite a dramatic figure.
9:21 p.m. Now we’re in New York. We’re talking with Carl Bernstein, but there aren’t any pictures of the crowd arrayed in Times Square.
9:23 p.m. SURPRISE! IT’S JOE BIDEN! Now we’re all very excited. Joe clearly has never had this many people paying attention to him all at once. He’s thrilled to be speaking in a football stadium, and clearly old enough to have heard of football players that retired long before most of Obama’s supporters were born.
9:26 p.m. People are watching TV in New York– but it’s a bunch of old people sitting around a TV in someone’s living room. What happened to all the free tickets in Times Square?
9:30 p.m. CNN breaks for a commercial. ESPN is still at half-time. What’s on the next channel? “Destroyed in Seconds.” First, we see house after house plunging into the Santa Clara river during a flood. Next a fighter jet blows up during a training exercise. Now we’re in Portland, Oregon for a mudslide! Who needs politics?
9:35 p.m. Finally! Video from Times Square! People are cheering because they see themselves on TV! Now Wolf Blitzer is proclaiming that they will forever remember this day because Wolf Blitzer is proclaiming they will forever remember this day. “Folks have gathered to watch this moment,” says Wolf, supposedly because they are so inspired by Obama. It couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that CNN was handing out free tickets and suggesting they’ll be on national TV — it’s just pure pride, right Wolf?
9:40 p.m. It’s such a historic moment that CNN breaks for a commercial: Exxon Mobil telling us how they’re helping save the environment. Har, Har, Har! At least CNN has a healthy respect for irony.
9:42 p.m. CNN is still on commercials. On “Destroyed in Seconds” we’re now watching a rogue windmill self-destruct. Didn’t I see that on YouTube?
9:45 p.m. We’re back in Times Square. The reporter is interviewing some “men on the street.” And apparently the African-Americans enjoyed Stevie Wonder’s performance at the convention.
9:47 p.m. Obama has used the amazing technology of “text-messaging” to raise funds for his campaign. Maybe soon he will use “talking” to express his positions on the issues of the day.
9:55 p.m. Still waiting for Obama. NC State is down by 10. “Destroyed in Seconds” is on a commercial break. There are lots of exploding windmills on YouTube.
9:57 p.m. Durbin is introducing Obama. I think there’s still a bio video before the actual speech comes on.
10 p.m. CNN has a skycam at Invesco Stadium. Dick Durbin looks small. Hopeful, and small. Time for the video!
10:02 p.m. Some white guy is narrating. Obama had a white mom and a black dad. His grandparents were war heroes. His mom made him do homework and taught him the Golden Rule. Aw shucks, isn’t America great?
10:05 p.m. Barack and Michelle make fun of his name. Their first date was at some sort of charity event. No mention of Harvard or University of Chicago. Barack is just a selfless civil servant. He has a family with good old fashioned American Values. Isn’t that special?
10:11 p.m. White people listen to Barack! See, he’s everyone’s candidate!
10:12 p.m. Finally ! It’s Barack! This fellow seems awfuly popular — I’m not sure if that’s something we want in a president. It’s certainly not something we’ve *had* in a President in the last, oh, 4 or 5 years….
10:13 p.m. This guy is at least as popular as a Chinese gymnast, or the iPhone Girl.
10:15 p.m. He accepts! Apparently Barack Obama actually intends to run for President of the United States!
10:17 p.m. Joe Biden’s teeth are amazingly white.
10:18 p.m. Malia and Sasha seem genuinely surprised when Barack thanks Michelle and she gets a standing ovation.
10:22 p.m. Apparently George W. Bush has something to do with why America seems to have so many problems these days.
10:24 p.m. “Enough!” Times Square likes it.
10:25 p.m. “Eight is Enough!” I used to have a crush on Kristy McNichol. Apparently Obama wants my vote.
10:26 p.m. Obama is seeming awfully popular. You know who was popular? Hitler!
10:32 p.m. I was curious. Yes, it’s true — there is no Fox News in New York, or at least in micro-size hotel rooms in New York.
10:36 p.m. Obama will invest in bio-fuels. Meh.
10:37 p.m. “If you commit to serve your country, we will make sure you can afford a college education.” Sounds pretty good. Maybe we should make sure of it without a service commitment.
10:38 p.m. Obama’s daughters like it when he mentions them.
10:42 p.m. Apparently it’s popular to go after Bin Laden. You know what else is popular? Porn!
10:44 p.m. Apparently all the recent national security debacles were co-authored by George Bush and John McCain.
10:49 p.m. Obama seems to be interested in some kind of middle ground on hot-button issues like abortion, immigration, and gay marriage. What is he, a communist?
10:54 p.m. CNN’s ticker: “FACT: Obama has a bachelor’s degree from Columbia and a law degree from Harvard.” What is he, a communist?
10:55 p.m. Obama evokes Martin Luther King. What is he, a communist?
10:56 p.m. Uh-oh. He’s seeming popular again. You know who else is popular? Jennifer Anniston. Or at least that’s the number one Google result for “Popular American.”
10:59 p.m. CNN seems to have forgotten about Times Square. But there is sure a lot of confetti and streamers in Invesco Stadium.
11:01 p.m. Ooh! Fireworks! You know who else has fireworks? China. What are they, a communist country?