Flag burning amendments: The inside story

So… here’s what I’m hoping actually goes on in the Senate backrooms as the flag-burning amendment inevitably comes up each year.

Senator 1: Well, Dick, you know it’s that time of year again…
Senator 2: Already, Harry? It seems like it was just last week we were “debating” this issue.
Senator 1: I know, I know, Dick, but you have to admit, it’s a great way to get the NASCAR Dads’ vote.
Senator 2: Heh, heh, yeah, that ol’ flag-burning deal is sure to get the Playstation demographic off their asses and into the poll booths. So, does Tom have the 34 “no” votes lined up yet?
Senator 1: I told him if he needed me, I’d vote “no” this time around. Hell, I don’t even come up for re-election until 2008. But he said he already had 34, so I can vote “yes” if I want.
Newbie Senator (just entering cloakroom): So you mean you guys don’t actually support, the flag-burning amendment?
Senator 2: Heh, heh, you haven’t been around here long, have you, whippersnapper? Of course we don’t support it! It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of. How can we say we’re a free country if we don’t let people freely express themselves?
Senator 1: But we need that NASCAR vote, so Tom figured that as long as no more than 66 Senators vote yes on the silly thing, we can have our cake and eat it too!
Newbie Senator: What a bunch of assholes you guys are! I love it!

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