Google to offer free personal robot

Riding on the success of its new gmail service, Google today unveiled plans to offer each customer a free personal robot. Named gJeeves, the new robot will do “anything you ask it to do…anything,” Google founder Sergey Brin said with a knowing wink.

“People have come to rely on Google for almost everything, so now we’ve found the technology for Google to infiltrate literally every bodily orifice of every human being on earth,” Brin added as he cackled nervously. “Our extensive market research indicates that users don’t mind the fact that gJeeves’ loudspeakers constantly blare advertisements both day and night.”

“The ads are actually really useful,” noted gJeeves beta tester Fawn Hall. “Just the other day as he was toweling me off after my shower, gJeeves told me about the herbal enhancements at Ameri-breast. What could be more relevant than that?”

U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft pooh-poohed the notion raised by privacy advocates that gJeeves represents a dangerous invasion of privacy. “Anyone stupid enough to get naked in front of gJeeves deserves to have her picture plastered all over the Internet. It’s a simple trade-off clearly explained in the mind-numbingly dull 90-page end user license that people click through when they order their gJeeves.”

The discussion over at slashdot was particularly intense, centering on the fundamental dilemma of whether gJeeves was pronounced jee-jeeves or guh-jeeves.

As Google engineers rush gJeeves into production, one thing remains crystal clear: gJeeves will be raising questions — and eyebrows — by bringing cyberspace into everyone’s living room, bathroom, and bedroom.

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