Category Archives: Satire

Dear Mr. Cranky Pants: Thank you for responding to our calls to continue the fantastic Ask Mr. Cranky Pants feature! I’m glad you finally saw just how awesomesauce it is! –Big Fan Dear Overweight Helicopter: If you think I decided … Continue reading →

Dear Mr. Cranky Pants: This morning during my run, I was shocked to see several walkers who were letting their dogs off-leash, despite the fact that this is strictly prohibited town ordinance. What do you think of this? —Dog Tired … Continue reading →

Last week I complained that some people were too stupid to realize that sending something via email revealed their identity. But now, thanks to their complaints, the Obama administration has done something about it. Instead of forwarding conspiracy-theory emails to … Continue reading →

With all the trouble public figures have gotten into lately getting caught with escort services, it’s occurred to me that someone with the right qualifications has a unique opportunity to make a lot of money. All the navel-gazing about why … Continue reading →

While some have suggested that the ScienceBlogs will be compromised by the appearance of ads, I just want to say that though the 2006 Subaru Baja is one of the sexiest cars out there (and eminently relevant to cognitive psychology), … Continue reading →

Yo, Mix Master L has got the house up on Slate, He say he know how da bloggers and da rappas relate. He say that all the pretty homies writin’ posts in their cribs Ain’t nothin’ more than M.C.s with … Continue reading →

As everyone in the blogosphere knows by now, Larry Summers, president of Harvard, stuck his foot in his mouth earlier this week when, at a meeting of college presidents, he suggested that one of the reasons why there are so … Continue reading →

President George Bush today finally unveiled his much-anticipated plan to fix Social Security. While pundits had long been expecting some sort of “privatization” plan, they were surprised when he revealed the full extent of his proposed changes to the venerated … Continue reading →

After this week’s devastating missile defense failure, the Defense Department today announced that it’s taking a new tack in developing its high-tech security system. “We’re well aware the missile test didn’t work. Anybody can see that,” said Defense Secretary Donald … Continue reading →

Just 387 shopping days ’til Christmas 2005! The Kmart store in LaGrange, Georgia has completed its preparations for Christmas 2005 — 387 days early! Store manager Fred Chumly pointed out that last year, Wal-Mart beat them out by putting up … Continue reading →

After their shocking merger earlier this week, Kmart and Sears are at it again. In a move that stunned the business world, Kmart and Sears announced their intention to buy former tech giants Pets.com and Iomega. “Have you ever used … Continue reading →

Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat today announced that reports of his death and burial might be premature. “Honestly, there’s not a whole lot of difference between this ‘death’ thing and being in a coma. It’s all a little murky to me … Continue reading →

Utah farmer Scott Westerveldt kicked the dirt outside his sprawling home. “Every time I looked up on that screen last Tuesday and saw my state colored red, I just got a sick feeling in my stomach. Red’s a color for … Continue reading →

If you’re like most Americans, you’ve already decided who to vote for in the upcoming elections. But if you’re “undecided,” you’re a victim of an oppressive malady. For you, it just seems like everyone is pressuring you to make a … Continue reading →

In the biggest comeback in military history, the Boston Red Sox today captured the world’s most elusive terrorist, Osama Bin Laden. “After our victory against the Yankees on Wednesday, we realized there was really nothing we couldn’t do,” said hero … Continue reading →

As Ty Pennington addressed the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition team in their motor home, a tear began to form in his eye: “Guys, we’ve done some special projects in the past, but I think you’ll agree, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition … Continue reading →

In a dramatic flip-flop, lifelong Republican Dick Ott of Racine, Wisconsin now admits that kerning was widely used as early as 1972. “As it turns out, kerning has been a feature of typography since nearly its beginning,” Ott opined on … Continue reading →